I Did a Bad Thing
by Socrates7727
Summary: Derek has made a lot of questionable decisions in his life but this is arguably one of the worst. He's tearing himself apart over it until he goes to the one person who might actually be able to help him feel better: Stiles. Rated M for sexual suggestions, trigger warnings inside, Derek/Kate, Derek/Stiles, sub!Derek dom!Stiles one-shot for now.


A.N. I don't own Teen Wolf or any of it's characters! Also trigger warning: suggested rape and sexual torture.

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"Derek's upstairs waiting for you." Stiles raised an eyebrow at his dad, but the sheriff only shrugged. "He said he needed to talk to you, that it was urgent. I figured it was pack stuff." Another I-don't-want-to-be-involved shrug and his dad was out the door for another double shift, not asking for the sake of plausible deniability. Stiles didn't blame him. He was the kind of curious, though, that infected every inch of his skin and crawled into every crevice of his mind. What would Derek want from him? And after having been off the radar for so long?

"Hey Sourwolf!" he called somewhat loudly, knowing that was more of a yell to the wolf. "I'm grabbing some chips before I come up you want anything?" No answer, but he hadn't been expecting one. When did Derek ever engage in unnecessary conversation?

Rolling his eyes, Stiles grabbed a bag of potato chips-his dad wasn't supposed to eat them anyways so he was just helping if he happened to eat them all!-and padded up the stairs. His dad hadn't made it sound urgent and he trusted those instincts but still he couldn't help being anxious. Had Derek ever called on him like this? Or wanted to speak in what Stiles assumed was a private setting? No, but then again why would've he?

"Hey," He plopped down onto his bed but could tell the wolf was tense. "Is everyone okay?" Derek nodded, still silent though, and Stiles put the chips aside.

"The pack's okay, right?" Again, that silent nod. "Derek what's going on? You're kind of scaring me…" Slowly, he watched the wolf drop his head into his hands and sigh. The way he collapsed, his shoulder falling in like the crumbling walls of an old building, wreaked of regret and guilt but why? If everyone was okay what was the big deal?

"I did a bad thing." Uh… Alright. The scale of bad things for the pack, and for Derek especially, ranged from buying the wrong kind of cereal to mass murder. Stiles was hoping for the lower end of that scale but from the look on Derek's face it was going to be higher.

"How many dead?" Derek furrowed his eyebrows at him before shaking his head. Oh god, if he didn't even remember where the bodies were that was going to cause some problems with the police.

"No one's dead." Okay… This really wasn't making sense because was there an option worse than mass murder? Derek's expression-sallow, bitter, and full of self hatred-said yes but Stiles' rap sheet for the pack said no. He really, really hoped there wasn't an option above genocide.

"Okay. Then what's the problem?" Derek started to chew his lower lip and, for a moment, Stiles was captivated by that. The wolf was obviously nervous, maybe even anxious, but little ticks and habits like that was something Stiles was usually known for-not Derek. For something that was (hopefully) less than murder, Derek seemed pretty torn up about it.

"You've made mistakes, right?" Again, somehow Stiles didn't see the connection between a mistake and murder. One was a little tack and the other was a goddamn nail gun. But Stiles wasn't perfect and he wasn't ashamed of that.

"Yeah, haven't we all?" Derek, again, chewed his lip and started picking at his fingernails. Had he ever seen the man this anxious before?

"But I mean you've made a lot of mistakes." Okay no need to rub it in now he was just being obnoxious. "You've done a lot of stupid shit." Honestly what the hell? Derek had sat around and waited for him in his own frickin bedroom just to insult him? It wasn't like he already didn't feel good enough to be in their precious supernatural pack. He didn't need Derek pointing that out.

"You're not making me want to help you." Another heavy sigh that could have knocked down a forest's worth of trees. What was with him today?

"I just mean you'd understand… doing stupid shit." Stiles didn't need this. Maybe he had a tiny crush on the past-alpha and maybe that made every little thing Derek said hurt like a knife in his chest but he didn't come home on a friday night just to be insulted. Derek could buck up and tell him what the hell was going on or he could get out.

"Just say it, Hale." His last name made Derek wince. Stiles noticed, and noted it in his mind for later not to call him that, but the little bit of aggravation seemed to push the wolf over the edge.

"I slept with Kate."

…Stiles didn't know how to even begin to react to that. Those words just couldn't register in that order-it was wrong. He must have heard wrong, that was it.

"I know, before the fire." Derek shook his head, though, and started to bounce his leg quickly and incessantly the way Stiles used to do during tests that always made people complain.

"No, last night." Okay… Don't freak out. This had to be some kind of joke, right? There was no way that Derek slept with Kate. _Kate_ the person who had killed almost his entire family and used him to do it. _Kate_ the were-jaguar who had been trying to kill them all for months. Fucking _Kate_. No, there was no way.

"You mean a different Kate, right?" Again, that slow, defeated shake of his head. "I just… why?" Derek sucked in a deep breath but, when he let it out, it shook and trembled down over his lips like pebbles kicked over the edge of a path-a sign that someone had been there, someone had disturbed the peace, and it was tainted now.

"You have to understand that I'm… human." Well no shit everyone was at least a little bit human! But hell if that made up for sleeping with _Kate_.

"Yeah we all make mistakes but this-"

"No," Derek's eyes were cold, serious, and showed a kind of hurting Stiles didn't recognize but they weren't blue. "I'm completely human, Stiles. I have been since I healed Cora. I just feel so fucking vulnerable. For the first time in my life, I can't protect myself."

"And you thought Kate could?" That was a low blow and he knew it but it slipped out. Maybe he was a little angry that his crush-though it was a teeny, tiny crush-had slept with his psychotic ex but it wasn't like it was completely undeserved. Derek sighed

"No, but I was drunk and you have remember I've never been drunk before." Like that excused anything, he thought. "She…"

"She what? Ripped your heart out? Used you? Killed your family? What part of her history with you made you think she would make a good drunk booty call?" He was being harsh and a part of him felt bad for it but it wasn't a large part. Derek had slept with _Kate_. Who wouldn't be shocked and angry about that?

"I didn't mean-" He stopped and for the first time since Stiles had met Derek, he saw tears in those beautiful brown eyes. "I know it was wrong and I know it was incredibly fucked up I just… She knows me, Stiles. All those little things she used to do to keep me in the palm of her hand…" Derek was actually close to tears and Stiles was uncomfortable to say the least. Whether it was intended or not, Derek had become kind of like Stiles' moody, elusive rock. He was steady, and he made Stiles steady. Of all the shocking things he'd seen that day, he wasn't sure he was ready to see the wolf cry.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Just walk me through what happened." Derek nodded, taking a breath to compose himself like having something concrete to describe gave him some kind of footing. Still though, he was unsteady and Stiles didn't know what to make of it.

"I uh I was on the roof of my building drinking because I didn't want to remember being human and she… She just appeared beside me and my instinct was to run but she took my hand and held the back of my neck liked she used to do and kissed me. I pulled away but it was familiar and easy even if it was wrong and she… she pushed my hair behind my ear with her nail and somehow she looked down at me and she said… she told me all the promises she used to whisper to me-that she loved me, that I was safe with her, that we could be together forever-and I don't know if I believed her or if just didn't care but she took me back to her hotel room…"

"And?" At this point, Stiles wasn't sure if he was asking for more details or if he wanted to know anything more but that damn crush welled up and he felt close to Derek. Close enough to have this kind of conversation, to know these kinds of things. And the fact that Derek trusted him with this? Nothing seemed like it was too much information anymore.

"And she used to have these play fantasies about tying me up and choking me, torturing me with orgasm denial, that we used to act out because I was fifteen and I didn't see the harm in it if I could get out whenever I wanted but suddenly she had ropes around my wrists and ankles and I couldn't get out of it no matter what I did and… And I _liked_ it. She used my body just liked she did when we were teenagers and she tortured me the way she always loved to and she choked me until I almost passed out but Stiles… I _liked_ it. What kind of sick fuck likes that?" Derek was crying at this point and Stiles had been staring, watching it happen like a car crash he couldn't look away from, for almost a minute before he somehow managed to skip over it. Somehow, he just glanced over it the same way he did little details on a test or generally anything he wasn't hyperfocused on. It tore him apart inside to watch and maybe it was some kind of self protective instinct but he just skipped it in his mind.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be submissive, Derek. That release of not having to worry or be in control isn't a bad thing to want. But Kate is not the way to get that." Derek was shaking where he sat in the chair and Stiles made a split second decision. "Hey, come here." It was a command, though it was gentle, but it didn't even sink in that Stiles had never dared to be anything but timid with Derek. Now, it seemed Derek was on the brink of falling apart entirely and needed some sort of stability even if that came from a hyperactive nineteen-year-old.

"Come sit on the bed, I don't want you passing out on me." Derek obeyed, sagging as soon as he sat with the weight of a thousand bad decisions on his shoulders. "Hey, look at me." Stiles waited until he did, brown eyes still filled with tears but now begging, pleading him for something. "It's gonna be okay. You're not a bad person. Kate has had years of practice learning how to manipulate you and it isn't your fault that she did that. No, you should not have slept with her. It was fucked up. But that doesn't make you fucked up." Derek nodded, still shaking, but slowly shifted back into denial again.

"But Stiles, I liked it. How does that not make me fucked up? I slept with Kate and I _liked_ it." Stiles shook his head slowly and crossed his legs on the bed pushing Derek to do the same.

"No, I think you liked giving up control and feeling safe. I don't think you liked that it was Kate. You can seperate those two things-it's perfectly fine to want someone else to take control, but it's not okay to want that someone to be Kate. Do you want it to be Kate?" Derek swallowed hard and stared at his hands for a long time before he spoke, never meeting Stiles' eyes.

"Who else would it be?" Stiles fought the urge in his gut to say _me_ with all his might. This was not the time or the place and preying on Derek's fragile state just to play out his little crush fantasy was wrong. Instead, he decided to turn the question back on him.

"Who else would you want it be?" Another heavy sigh.

"I… I don't know. The only reason I could with Kate was because I was drunk and we'd done it before. I don't think I trust anyone enough to do that." Slowly, he told himself, this was a grey area and he was getting darker and darker the more he followed this conversation.

"Do you trust me?" That made Derek stop, long enough to take three shaky deep breaths and looked up into his eyes. There was a new, shocking clarity there. Stiles had to wonder if that was new, if the tears had somehow brought it out, or if Derek was finally letting him see it.

"I… don't know." Internally, it was like a blow to Stiles' gut but he tried not to wince on the outside. "I think so?" Whoa, wait. Stiles hadn't been prepared for that answer. He'd expected rejection and he'd gotten it but what was this uncertain acceptance? He thought so? Derek thought he might trust Stiles enough to give up control? But wait, no, what was he doing? He didn't have time to have an internal crisis right now even if his crush did suddenly just triple in size and strength. Right now, Derek needed him for stability if nothing else and he sure as hell was going to do his best to give it to him.

"You want to try? Just a little, enough to take the edge off?" There was a lot of hesitation but slowly Derek nodded. "Lay down." Instantly, the man did and Stiles almost groaned at how beautiful it was. Never in his wildest dreams did Derek submit to him so willingly, so perfectly. Maybe, he thought he could convince Derek to dominate him-he seemed like he'd be okay with taking control and he already physically intimidated Stiles regularly-but this? This was heaven, even if it was in the aftermath of Kate.

"What are you comfortable with, Der?" Below him now, Derek swallowed hard.

"Anything." Stiles shook his head, though, and placed a hand on his chest to gauge his heartbeat. It was racing out of control and Stiles hoped it was anticipation but his gut said it was fear. He didn't like that.

"No, you're vulnerable right now and you're emotional. I'll do enough to make you feel steady again but not more. If you want, that can come later, but that's something we can talk about then. For now, what are you comfortable with?" This time, Derek waited and seemed to think before he answered.

"Hold me down." Stiles nodded just once before straddling Derek's hips, trying so hard not to be turned on by this situation. Yes, it was about Derek right now and making him feel safe but god damn if this wasn't Stiles' guiltiest fantasy. He couldn't help himself, he ran his hands up and down the broad chest below him and cocked his head like he was admiring a pet. Something in him felt powerful and he loved it. Just looking down at the beautiful man on his bed, something deep in his chest screamed _mine_. And for these few moments, Derek was his.

"So beautiful." He couldn't help it-the way the praise just slipped out of his mouth as he brushed over tight abs and up behind Derek's ears. It wasn't exactly dominating but the way he said it was reminiscent of BDSM he'd watched online and the way Derek just melted in his hands at the words wasn't something he could ever regret. With both hands, he reached up and gripped Derek's wrists. He pulled them up beside Derek's head and pinned them down with all his body weight, relishing in the way the newfound vulnerability made the wolf-no, the human-relax. When he squeezed harder, Derek's eyes rolled back in his head and his breathing became shallow. He ground his hips down into the man's-not intending it to be sexual, merely an emphasis like squeezing his wrists had been, but Derek _moaned_.

"Please choke me?" It was a short, breathy whisper but Stiles heard it. He hesitated, questioning that moral line he'd drawn in the sand, but another begging little whimper sent that dilemma out the window. He released both wrists, earning a sigh from the man, but slowly trailed one hand up his chest to blanket his throat. Stiles just rested it there, refusing to apply pressure until he was sure Derek was okay, but at that Derek _whined_.

"Please?" he whispered again, a little more pleading in his voice. Stiles couldn't take it and he wasn't sure if it was how bad he wanted it or how badly he wanted to give Derek anything and everything he could ever ask for. But regardless, he pressed his pointer finger and thumb down on either side of the windpipe, finding the blood vessels he knew were there, and squeezed. Instantly, Derek's body arched underneath him and the man placed his hands on Stiles' as if to pull them off but didn't. It was almost more like he was reassuring himself that Stiles' hands were still there. Derek didn't struggle for breath-Stiles knew better than to press the windpipe-but the lack of blood made him obviously fuzzy and his head lolled to the side. Finally, his heart rate started to lower.

Stiles released, not wanting to push him too far especially for the situation, but Derek whined again, almost begging. _Please more_. This was the last time, he told himself, as if that made it better but he complied regardless because he couldn't say no to Derek. He squeezed again, this time shaking Derek's head a bit from side to side for emphasis and the man moaned, the vibration travelling all the way up Stiles' arm. Derek squirmed under him but wasn't actually fighting, more testing Stiles' weight and grip, reassuring himself that Stiles was still there and still in control. Stiles wasn't sure how long it had been but he let go because he didn't want to go too far. Derek whined but it was less insistent and rather than indulge him again Stiles trailed up his face and ran his hand through the man's hair. Immediately, Derek keened into the touch and whimpered whenever Stiles stopped.

"Very good, Der. You did so good. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." The pet name didn't register with Stiles before it was too late but he'd already said it and he didn't really want to take it back. Instead, he continued to stroke Derek's hair.

"Do you want me to stay with you? I think you should get some rest." Derek nodded, curling onto his side and almost making room for Stiles to spoon him, which he graciously did. It wasn't until Stiles wrapped his arm around his waist and nuzzled his face between the man's shoulder blades that Derek truly relaxed. With a pleased little smile, Stiles felt more than heard Derek's heartbeat return to normal and then slow with sleep. Maybe life was shitty but this? This seemed pretty damn perfect to him. And maybe Derek had opened himself up to a world of hurt by sleeping with Kate again but for right now? Derek was safe, asleep in his arms, and he wouldn't have changed that for the world.

Stiles couldn't help himself-he imagined what it would be like with Derek in the future, just like he always did when he was anxious and couldn't sleep. He imagined tying him up, blindfolding him, seeing that ultimate innocent trust in his eyes every night, and he imagined what it would be like to kiss him. But now he didn't have to imagine what it felt like to cuddle with him, or to choke him, or to hold him down. And, soon enough, he wouldn't have to imagine what it felt like to fall asleep beside him.

And, really, could he ask for anything more?

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Hope you liked it! As always please review, follow, favorite, and share! Also let me know if you like it I might write a sequel.


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